This is a post I’ve been meaning to do for a long time. It’s a part of this journey that you don’t really realize will be here. You think, “I’ve begun! Nothing can stop me! I’m being so healthy! LOOK HOW HEALTHY I AM! I WORK OUT!” But that is not necessarily what the world sees. If you think about it, there are people you see every day at work, in the store, walking down the street, who have no idea that you rush home every night of the week to work out for an hour, then prepare yourself a dinner of vegetables and lean meats. They don’t know that you somehow manage to stick to your pitiful grocery budget of $25 per week but still come home with mucho produce and no chocolate (and only one bag of chips, now that’s restraint).
We live in a world where some people think that to be a larger person constitutes a lazy, face stuffing, couch sitting, ho ho eating fatso. Well I’m here to tell you that isn’t the case. Sure, it used to be. I thought about food every second of every day. I wondered what dinner would be while I was eating lunch. Here’s the kicker: I STILL DO THAT. I happen to love food, I love to cook food, and I love to try new food. It is something I enjoy. The difference for me is that I now think about food in a healthy way. It’s still a drug, let’s be real. But I think about it in an educated manner, in how it will effect my day, my goals, and my mood. I’m still an emotional eater. But I take a minute to think on whether or not going to grab that bag of chips is really going to satisfy my needs at the moment.
My point, in all of this rambling, is that I could meet someone who would look at me and instantly think I’m a lazy self serving person with no control over my hands as they reach for a gallon of ice cream to round out the evening (when in reality I have not had actual ice cream in so long I can’t even remember when it was). I urge you to see people for who they are, not project your instant judgement on them. I work out more than most people I know, and I’m still among the largest of my friends and family. To add insult to injury, I eat healthier than almost everyone I know. The issue is that somewhere along the line I abandoned portion control, and I ballooned into obesity. It wasn’t one single day that changed my world. It was a series of choices, in my case emotional ones, that led me here. I developed habits, and after 23 years, I found them hard to break. But I kept at it. I spend every day getting stronger, kicking obesity’s ass, slapping the hands of fast food joints and bakeries, and no one can actually tell. I’m lucky in the fact that, even with years of low self esteem, I somehow came out on the other side of it with a pretty strong, “I don’t care what you think of me,” attitude. I’d love it if we could be friends, but if you have a problem with me displaying my hard earned individuality, you can piss off.
Just remember that weight loss is a delicate journey. It puts a person in a vulnerable situation, where you try to be confident, thinking, “yes, I can do this,” one minute and “OH MY GOD THAT CHOCOLATE CHIP IS GOING TO RUIN ANY GAIN I MADE TODAY, I MAY AS WELL GIVE UP.” So, instead of looking at larger people and thinking, “Holy fatness, that fat is fat,” remember that there is a large possibility you are lazier than they are.
Fat rant out.